


Heal me.

by Kakashisith



Series: Half-machine, half-human [3]
Category: Terminator (Movies)
Genre: Blood and Injury, Depression, Drinking & Talking, F/M, First Kiss, First Time, Friendship, POV First Person, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-27
Updated: 2020-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-03 06:00:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,880
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21581893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kakashisith/pseuds/Kakashisith
Summary: This is a request. "can you make, a Terminator genisys Young Pops x Reader? Where the reader , Sarah Connor , Kyle reese go to a bar and, the reader has a crush on pops, and she sees him with another woman, so she runs out of the bar and goes back to the house where the reader , Sarah Connor , Kyle Reese , and pops all share, and she self harms, but pops sees her and stops her, then smut ensues and she confesses her feeling towards pops, and he returns the feelings"Also-kind of autobiographic.Thanks for being patient with me. Since Estonia is in lock-down because of korona,I can finish the story.
Relationships: Original Female Character/Pops
Series: Half-machine, half-human [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1650082
Kudos: 2





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> http://www.dlc.fi/~marian1/gourmet/salmiakk.htm -this is salmiakki, liqourice and liqourice liquor.

I wondered, how my scars were healing, so I pulled my sleeve up. Yeah, still no good, but whatever....  
I haven`t laughed in a long time. After my last break-up from a biker, 10 years older than me I had started to use antidepressants again. These little pills helped me at least to sleep better. But self-hatred and depression were still somewhere, deep inside my mind. And they didn`t go anywhere. Like somekind of dark Demons in the darkness.  
Um… it’s just that, I used to be happy. Um, yeah, past tense. Sucks, I know.  
I stood on the brink of something I couldn't describe. The weight of everything seemed to press down on my shoulders and I struggled to take even a single step forward. It was too much. All of it. And somehow, I kept moving. But every step cost me. The darkness grew darker; the pain grew sharper; all of it seemed to only grow in strength and I began to wonder if things could ever get better.  
But I never said a word. Sometimes I wonder if that smile- the horribly fake smile- is ever seen through. If someone ever notices that sad, broken look in my eyes that I see in the mirror. If they see beauty where I see ugliness. And then I laugh, a bitter, sarcastic laugh, at myself. Nobody cares. No one notices. They never seem to, do they?  
I've fought for years. I just march on...  
I felt like I needed a beer or two, so I walked into my favorite bar, "Underground" or UG, as I called it. The friendly barman with his huge red beard was there, having a talk with some guys. I knew them, nice metalheads.  
"Evening!" I greeted and sat down.  
"Hello."smiled the barman, "what`s up?"  
"Nothing special. Got bored. Would you give me some Salmiakki, as usual, please?"  
"Here ya go!"  
And he gave me a small glass filled with black liqourice shot. My favorite...  
I looked around in the bar. Crowded as usual, but I liked to be with my metalhead friends. This place is like my second home. As the night goes on, I'll be more comfortable in this crowd, intoxicated by spirits and the moments all the same.  
The bar curves into the room, dark in the barely lit room. Through the windows, the diamonds of lead panes, trickles the sallow light of street-lamps. The smell has changed over the years. Once it was of cigarette smoke only, the perfume that clung to clothing, skin and furniture alike. Now it is stale beer and body odour. Maybe some perfume...  
The door got opened again, but with weird and great power. Like a machine or a muscle-man. Three new people came in; a girl about my size, a young thin guy and a tall, muscular man. He was the one, who`d pushed the door open.  
The small girl had very beautiful brown hair. Against her pale skin her hair was a deep brown, yet on any other it would be mid-to-fair. Perhaps that's what made the hair look like it didn't belong to her, like some bizarre wig. But by the way she had it tied back with stray hairs sticking out, no-one doubted it was all hers.  
I was just about to order my second Salmiakki when that girl came to stand next to me.  
"Excuse me, miss, but what`s that black drink you`re ordering?" she asked.  
"Salmiakki. Finnish liqourice liqueur."I answered, turning my head. "Wanna taste? I can order you one."  
"If you`d be so kind."  
I smiled in return and ordered 2 drinks. "By the way, what is your name?"  
"Sarah Connor."  
"Nice. I am Feardorcha."  
I wasn`t in the mood of talking, but well, now I had no choice. The girl seemed willing to befriend me.  
The bearded barman came with two more Salmiakki glasses and smiled. "Here you go, girls."  
I smiled at him. "Thank you, Peter."  
Then I gave the other glass to Sarah and went on enjoying my own drink.  
Sarah took a small sip, grinned a bit and then took another. "It`s good!" she said with surprised voice.  
I laughed. "Have you never tasted liqourice before?"  
She shook her head. "No...really no."  
"Then simply enjoy." Then I turned my head to the two guys, Sarah`s companions. Sarah turned her head also, smiling at the younger man. He met her gaze with the smile of one who knows the upper hand is his and lighted up a cigarette to add to the hazy cloud, lingering, spiralling in stagnant air. She folded one leg over the other, dangling her high heel, showing more leg; yet her face stayed aloof, disinterested.  
"Would the guys like to join us?" I asked, actually not believing, that I would like more company. "What are their names?"  
Sarah nodded to the younger, thinner guy, "This is Kyle Reese... "  
"And the culturistic one?"  
"I call him Pops. He`s actually different..."  
I raised an eyebrow to that. "Different? What you you mean? Disabled or..."  
When I had said disabled, I felt bad, cause I had been a personal assistant for a handycapped woman in wheelchair for years. She`d been a tough job, both psysically and mentally.  
Sarah shook her head again. Then she leaned close to me and whispered. "Look, he`s half machine-half human. Terminator."  
I had heard rumors about Terminators, but never seen one. That actually made some things clear- his...or it`s emotionless behaviour, slow moving.  
I nodded and whispered back, "I`ve heard about them. Your secret is safe with me."  
It was actually a bit sad, I already had interest about the big man and now it turned out, he was just a machine. I sighed.  
"Doesn`t he have emotions or feelings at all?" I dared to ask.  
"He has. He isn`t totally machine, like I said."  
"Good."  
"What?" Laughed Sarah, "You like him?"  
"I don`t know...he is interesting."I eyed Sarah once again. "Let`s go to them?"  
Sarah smiled her brightest smile. "Yeah, let`s go."  
So we went to the two men, or as I had heard, one of them was different. A lot. I wasn`t scared.  
But he still intrigued me.  
"Kyle, Pops, this is Feardorcha. I hope we`ll become good friends."  
Kyle Reese smiled. "Nice to meet you. Do you know, how to protect yourself, lady?"  
"Why?" I asked, "Of course! I have learned karate, taekwon-do and I know how to handle knives."  
"So you are not useless."pointed Pops out. "Good."  
I didn`t know, what to say. His intense gaze made me feel confused, yet it wasn`t unpleasant. I felt myself blushing and looked quickly down, to my combat boots.  
When I looked up again, Pops was still eyeing me.  
"What?" I asked, both irritated and curious. I really didn`t like people, or now cyborgs staring at me.  
"You look nice."  
I cursed mentally. *What the fuck? Nice?*  
Sarah came closer to me, smiling. "Pops seems to like you. He`d never paid any attention to any girl before."  
"Say what?"  
I really didn`t want to believe, what Sarah was telling me. But well, she`d been with Pops for years, so she should`ve known.  
Kyle Reese smiled from the other side of the table. "Hey, why don`t you come to visit us?"  
"What?" I asked, totally stunned. "I...I mean of course!"  
We stood up and went outside. To my surprise and secret happiness I saw 2 huge motorbikes there. I loved biking. I loved it all year round. That feeling of motion, the speed and the rise and fall of the path, the chance to go over grass, mud or road... It is a freedom I will always crave...  
Sarah and Kyle took a Suzuki, while Pops sat on a Harley. He turned his gaze on me and wiked.  
"Come on."  
I sat behind him without the slightest hesitation. I had also a bike which I had named Zarathos. It wasn`t fast, but I still loved the feeling I got, while riding it.  
After riding about 5 blocks, we reached a house. The house is one of those ones rich people buy when they get paranoid about having too much money. It's like a fortress, tall gates with more security gadgets than a military compound. Perhaps behind those yellow bricks they feel safe from harm, but I can't help think they've only built themselves a beautiful prison. Pops helped me down and I followed my new friends.  
Pops then smiled at me. He locked eyes with me and I saw just how deep they really were. They're not a solid brown. Spirals of earthy brown colliding with honey droplets and even a green color fill those two orbs with magnificent light.  
His hair was almost as dark as his eyes, it all seemed somehow so perfect.  
Sarah looked over her shoulder at us and smiled. "Come on, let`s go inside!"

Next day I was walking around on the streets, just killing my time. Without even thinking about it, I`d set my way towards Undergound again. I was eager to meet my friends again though I wasn`t sure, if they were there or not. Of course I knew, where they lived.   
I walked around the corner, that separated me from Underground and what I saw made me freeze in the place. Pops was talking to a very skinny and tanned redhead from the bar, who I didn`t like. They seemed to be happy...  
I'm not letting that redheaded idiot near him. Not the woman, who`d called me "bitch", when she stole the guy I liked, some years ago. Or did I have a chance? No, not at all.   
So I stepped back- they didn`t notice me- and sat back on my Zarathos. Where to go? What to do?  
When the frustration builds and I think I might explode - I take a deep breath. I want to shout, have a tantrum and beat my hands on the ground like a toddler. I want to vent, let it out, but I don't want to say words I don't mean, be hurtful. It's just so easy to be cruel in that moment and then the damage is done. So many times I've wanted to unsay things, take it back. I'm learning how to deal with it, but slowly. But right now I felt like I needed to run, drive away, fade somewhere.  
First place in my mind was to go to Sarah and Kyle. So I hit the engine and went that way.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *- inner thoughts

No-one would care, if I was dead or alive. But I wanted to see Sarah and maybe my mood would get a bit better.  
I laughed at myself, when I stopped my bike and jumped off. Maybe I was going crazy afterall?  
I wiped my eyes in hopes, that tears would stop falling, but no luck. So I took my sunglasses and put them on. Yeah, that`s better.  
I ringed the doorbell and soon Sarah came to open.  
"Hey Feardorcha, nice to see ya!" she smiled.  
She was so beautiful and I felt myself ugly... as usual. But I forced a smile.  
"I...am fine. May I come in?"  
"Sure." she opened the door wide and I stepped in.  
*Sarah hasn`t noticed my wet cheeks yet.*I told myself. I still had my small gilette with me. What am I going to do? I didn`t honestly know. But my self-loathing inner voice already told me to cut, slash, hack my wrist like many times before.  
I had grown used to pain. It was the only way out for me. Loneliness had taught me to do it. As well as depression. That damn red head... why was she there again?  
Well, this wasn`t my place, but I could leave the house at any time. I didn`t want my new friends to see what I was gonna do.  
Sarah was downstairs, in the kitchen, Kyle was with her so I sneaked out, to the cold emptyness of the backyard. Good! Finally a place where I could be alone- ish...  
The backyard had once been lovingly paved and roses had been planted in circular beds. Now the weeds grew between the honey colored bricks and the rose beds were overgrown jungles of thorns.  
Perfect little hideout for me. The anger and dissapointment returned again, stronger than before. I had never felt so alone, so lost... So incapable of doing even the smallest tasks. And this was only the beginning, the beginning of the pain, the suffering and the endless congo line of emotions that were in store for me. With shaky hands, I searched the gilette out. Time to play with an old friend once again. I closed my eyes and drew one line, then another...another... felt the blood starting to come out from the founds. I opened my eyes and looked at the red liquid dripping down on my wrist, slowly.  
"What are you doing?"  
The voice startled me, so I turned around to see, who was speaking. It was Pops. Damn!  
Not him... not here, not now...  
Why did he come here? This was the worst time someone would approach me.  
"That doesn`t concern you." I answered with cold tone. "Please...just leave."  
"I can`t do that." I could hear him stepping closer, so I quickly pulled my top the way it would cover my wrist.  
I sighed angrily. Pops was right now the last umm...person I wanted to see in my current situation. I looked over my shoulder at him. He just stood there, his brown eyes fixed on me, hands relaxed.  
"Why? Why are you here?" I asked.  
"I noticed your bike leaving the bar, when I was telling the red headed woman to back off. I do not know much about human emotions, but I can understand when a person is upset."  
*Wow!* I thought ironically. *Can you?*  
But I still gave him no answer. Deep inside I had a small hope, that maybe, just maybe he wouldn`t see my wrist and ask about it. Silly me!  
I was just about to get up from my crouching position, when Pops stopped me. He simply put his hand on my shoulder, so I froze on the place.  
*What now?*  
"You are not okay."he pointed out.  
"That is not your problem."I answered with icy tone, not looking at him. I wanted to get away from this place, from him. Right now!  
"Show me your wrist."he asked.  
When I refused, he cocked his head to the side. "Please?"  
I bit my lip and slowly uncovered my still-bleeding wrist. He looked at the wounds, then looked at me.  
"Why did you do that, Feardorcha?"  
Fuck! Why did he ask THAT question?  
"I...I was angry..."I yelled ,"At you, at the red haired bitch! Happy now?!!" I asked, pulling my hand free and stepping away from him.  
His answer was quick and unexpected. He grabbed my arm. I turned, for the first time and really looked at him. I saw not a machine, but a man who was very worried.  
His lips brushed mine. Not innocently, not like a tease but hot, fiery, passionate and demanding. I wanted to pull away before I lose myself but I can’t seem to...  
“Feardorcha” he whispers slowly, prolonging each letter as if to savor them. I smile, my heart fluttering at his voice as I clasp my hands on either side of his face. Never before has my name ever felt so wonderful a one, I think, as I lean in for another...  
My arms reached up and tangled around his thick, strong neck. In an instant I had pulled away and arched up into his broad chest, moaning in the contact of body heat against my own, before I drew back into his lips.  
We stared at eachother, then Pops smiled. "I do care about you. I have feelings...I am sorry, that I have made you hurt yourself."  
"Kiss me." I whispered against his lips.  
Popr smiled down at me, then turned and pulled his black t-shirt off. He turned around. I sucked in a sharp breath as his shirtless torso was exposed to me. Gawking wouldn't quite describe my state. I was shocked, stunned, flabbergasted, amazed, wonderstruck, mesmerized by his physique. It was like nothing I've ever seen before. His body was drool-worthy. He had a chiseled chest and the skin on it was glowing healthily. His abdominals were sculptured to perfection as his six-packs pop, instantly giving off the impression that he came out of a Calvin Klein shoot. I won't even forget about his arms for years. His biceps were the size of my head yet lean and his triceps looked like diamonds - really rare ones, indeed - and completing his masterpiece of a bodice, his shoulders, round and protruding, give his whole look a new flavor.  
"You are..."I couldn`t finish the sentence. No need anyways, because he pulled me against his body.  



End file.
